If you grew up hearing phrases like “stop crying” or “you’re too sensitive,” it might be a sign that emotional intelligence was lacking in your household. These common sayings can have a lasting impact on how we view our emotions and how we relate to others. Understanding the effects of these phrases can help us recognize patterns in our own lives and work towards healthier emotional expressions. Let’s take a closer look at seven phrases that indicate a low level of emotional intelligence in those who raised us.
Key Takeaways
- Phrases like ‘stop crying’ dismiss emotions, making them feel invalid.
- Telling boys ‘don’t cry’ reinforces harmful stereotypes about masculinity.
- Saying ‘you’re too emotional’ can lead to shame around natural feelings.
- Expressions of disappointment should focus on actions, not the person.
- Encouraging emotional expression fosters healthier relationships.
1. Stop Crying
Okay, let’s talk about "Stop Crying." If you heard this a lot growing up, it might mean your folks weren’t the best at dealing with emotions. I know, it’s not fun to think about, but understanding it can really help you move forward.
Tears are a totally normal way to let out feelings. It’s like a release valve when things get too intense. But when someone tells you to "stop crying," they’re basically saying your feelings aren’t valid or important. Emotionally intelligent people get that expressing feelings is key, not something to shut down.
If you’re trying to break free from this:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Let yourself feel sad, angry, or whatever it is. Don’t try to stuff it down.
- Find healthy outlets: Talk to a friend, write in a journal, or do something creative. Open communication is important.
- Be patient with yourself: It takes time to unlearn old habits. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up sometimes.
Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to cry. It’s part of being human. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
2. Boys Don’t Cry
I remember hearing this a lot growing up, and honestly, it messed with me. It’s one of those phrases that just sticks with you, you know? It’s like, you’re told to bottle up your feelings because showing them is somehow…wrong.
This phrase is a classic example of low emotional intelligence in action. It’s all about perpetuating harmful stereotypes and really limiting how young boys grow emotionally. But here’s the thing: crying isn’t a gendered thing. It’s a human thing. It’s a way to release emotion, and everyone needs that, regardless of whether they’re a boy or a girl.
When you hear "Boys don’t cry," what you’re really hearing is "Your feelings aren’t valid." And that’s just not true. Your feelings are always valid, no matter who you are.
So, what can you do if you heard this growing up? First, recognize that it’s okay to feel. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be human. Don’t let anyone tell you that your emotions are wrong or that you need to suppress them. Instead, find healthy ways to express them. Talk to someone you trust, write in a journal, or find a creative outlet. Just don’t keep them bottled up inside.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Don’t try to ignore them or push them away.
- Challenge the stereotype: Remind yourself that crying is a normal human reaction.
- Be kind to yourself: It takes time to unlearn these harmful messages.
3. Stop Being So Sensitive
Okay, this one stings a bit, right? I know I’ve heard it more than once. "Stop being so sensitive" is like a classic line from people who aren’t really in touch with their own feelings, let alone yours. It’s like they’re saying, "Your feelings are too much for me to handle, so just stop it."
But here’s the thing: being sensitive isn’t a bad thing. It means you’re tuned in, you feel things deeply, and you care. It’s a strength, not a weakness. If you grew up hearing this a lot, it probably felt like you had to shut down a part of yourself just to fit in. I get it.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to be sensitive. Don’t let anyone make you feel like your emotions are invalid. They’re part of what makes you, you.
So, what can you do if you’re trying to unlearn this? Here are a few things that have helped me:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Don’t try to push them down. Let yourself feel them, even if they’re uncomfortable.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who’s going through a tough time. interpersonal intelligence skills can help you understand your own emotions better.
- Set boundaries: It’s okay to distance yourself from people who constantly invalidate your feelings. You deserve to be around people who accept you for who you are.
- Find healthy outlets: Express your emotions in healthy ways, like writing, art, or talking to a therapist. Open communication is key.
It’s a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, and remember that your sensitivity is a gift. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. It’s okay to be sensitive; it’s part of being human. Growing up in an environment with low emotional intelligence can be tough, but you can learn and grow.
4. I’m Disappointed In You
Okay, this one’s tough. Hearing "I’m disappointed in you" can feel like a punch to the gut, right? It’s like your worth is suddenly tied to a single action. It’s not just about what you did; it feels like you are the disappointment. I remember feeling like my actions weren’t my own, but a reflection of someone else’s expectations.
This phrase can make you constantly chase perfection, leading to a whole lot of stress and anxiety. It’s like you’re always trying to measure up, but the bar keeps moving.
Instead of focusing on the person, try to separate the action from their worth. It’s about addressing the behavior, not labeling the person.
Think about it this way: you can be disappointed in someone’s choice without making them feel like they are a failure as a person. It’s a subtle but important difference.
Here’s what you can do:
- Focus on specific actions: Instead of saying "I’m disappointed in you," try "I’m disappointed in what you did."
- Explain why: Help them understand the impact of their actions. "I’m disappointed because I know you’re capable of more."
- Offer support: Let them know you’re there to help them learn and grow. "How can we work together to make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
It’s all about shifting the focus from the person to the behavior and creating a space for growth and understanding. Remember, healthy communication is key.
5. You’re Too Emotional
Okay, this one stings a bit, right? I remember hearing "You’re too emotional" a lot when I was younger. It usually came after I’d, you know, actually show some emotion. Like, isn’t that what humans do? It felt like I was being told my feelings were invalid or, even worse, that I was somehow flawed for having them.
It’s like, being emotional became a bad thing, a character defect. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: emotions are part of what makes us human. They’re information. They tell us about what we value, what we fear, what we need. Shutting them down isn’t strength; it’s more like emotional avoidance.
So, what can you do if you heard this a lot growing up? First, give yourself permission to feel. Seriously. It sounds simple, but it can be revolutionary. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. They’re not good or bad; they just are.
Here are some things that helped me:
- Start a feelings journal. Write down what you’re feeling and why. No editing, no censoring. Just let it flow.
- Practice naming your emotions. The more specific you can be (e.g., "I feel frustrated" instead of just "I feel bad"), the better you can understand them.
- Find healthy ways to express your emotions. Talk to a friend, exercise, create art, listen to music – whatever works for you.
Remember, your emotions are valid. They’re part of you. Don’t let anyone tell you they’re "too much." Instead, learn to understand them, manage them, and use them to live a fuller, more authentic life. It’s okay to feel deeply. It’s what makes you, you. Understanding emotional intelligence (EQ) can be a game changer.
6. Just Get Over It
Okay, this one really grinds my gears. Hearing "just get over it" is like someone telling you to simply switch off your feelings. It’s dismissive and invalidating, especially when you’re genuinely struggling with something. It implies that your emotions are a choice, and that you’re somehow failing at being resilient.
But here’s the thing: emotions need to be processed, not suppressed. When someone tells you to "just get over it," they’re essentially telling you to ignore your feelings, which can lead to bigger problems down the road. Bottling up emotions never ends well; trust me, I’ve been there. It’s like shaking a soda can and then expecting it not to explode when you open it.
Instead of brushing things off, try these steps:
- Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. Don’t try to suppress these emotions. Let yourself feel them.
- Give yourself time: Healing takes time. Don’t rush the process. Be patient with yourself.
- Talk to someone: Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be incredibly helpful. Sometimes, just voicing your thoughts can make a huge difference. Consider seeking professional help if needed.
I remember when my grandma passed away, someone told me to "just get over it" a week later. I was furious! Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It’s okay to grieve, and it’s definitely not something you can just switch off.
So, next time someone tells you to "just get over it," remember that your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone minimize your experiences or tell you how to feel. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and you’re allowed to take the time you need to heal. Prioritize your emotional health and well-being.
7. It’s Not A Big Deal
Okay, this one hits home. How many times did I hear, "It’s not a big deal" when I was upset about something? Way too many. It’s like my feelings were instantly invalidated. It’s a total dismissal, suggesting that what you’re feeling isn’t important.
Emotions are personal. What seems small to one person can be huge to another. Dismissing someone’s feelings like that can make them feel misunderstood and alone. No one else gets to decide the weight of your feelings. They are yours, and you have every right to feel them.
If you heard this a lot, remember that your feelings are valid. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s okay to feel what you feel, no matter how "big" or "small" someone else thinks it is.
So, what can you do if you find yourself saying this to someone else? Try these:
- Listen without judgment. Just hear them out.
- Acknowledge their feelings. Say something like, "I understand why you’re upset."
- Offer support. Ask, "How can I help?" or "What do you need right now?"
It’s about showing empathy and letting them know you care. You can also explore the meaning of intelligence to better understand emotional responses.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does emotional intelligence mean?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and to recognize and influence the emotions of others.
Why is it important to have emotional intelligence?
Having emotional intelligence helps you communicate better, build stronger relationships, and handle stress more effectively.
How can I improve my emotional intelligence?
You can improve your emotional intelligence by practicing self-awareness, empathy, and effective communication.
What are some signs of low emotional intelligence?
Signs of low emotional intelligence include difficulty expressing feelings, lack of empathy, and dismissing others’ emotions.
Can emotional intelligence be learned?
Yes, emotional intelligence can be developed over time with practice and awareness.
How does childhood affect emotional intelligence?
Childhood experiences shape how we understand and express emotions, and negative messages can lead to lower emotional intelligence.
