PUTTING FOOD ON THE TABLE
(July/August 2004 Issue)

A professional athlete who had just signed a multi-million dollar contract was asked how he felt about his new riches. He said: "I gotta put food on the table for my family". He could feed an entire third-world country with his contract. So, what’s with "feeding my family"? People often justify career acquisitiveness by saying "it’s for my family." If the family benefits, it’s apple-pie OK. Certainly many people in the world of work are functioning at the survival level and every dollar they earn is much needed by their family members. Living from paycheck to paycheck is a struggle and we can appreciate the laser focus on bringing in dollars to keep family members clothed, sheltered, and fed. Then there are families who live well above the survival level and understand their earnings as a means toward "making life comfortable" for loved ones. How often have you heard parents say: "I’m bringing in this money so that my children will not have to suffer and struggle the way I did"?

Well, yes, we do not want to see our children suffer. But, at what point does providing necessities and additional comforts and fancy clothing and a car for every teenager and international travel and expensive hobbies become indulgence? Buying things for family members usually feels good. They’re happy. We’re happy. We feel like good providers. It’s a boost to our egos. So, one might ask, for whom are we doing it, for ourselves or the family members? Making life comfortable for one’s family can have a downside. It’s called entitlement. Children who grow up with no hardships may believe that "money grows on trees". Not only may this nurture a selfish attitude, but also it may deprive children of developing the qualities of toughness, resourcefulness, and adaptability that made their parents effective in the world of work. Adversity has its benefits. When people are not put in difficult situations, they do not learn how to deal with them. So, what am I suggesting? That parents deliberately deprive their children of the goodies they may be capable of buying them? Maybe. The point is to look at the purposes of our income-earning and decide to what extent consumption is the main goal of our career endeavors. Hog-wild consumption is encouraged by the American economy and culture. People attempt to show they have "made it" through their "things". There has always been tremendous emphasis on what your family has, compared to the other families you know. Kids in school compare themselves to each other incessantly and come home pleading: "But, Tommy has a new scooter. I want one!!" This kind of pressure, intensified by television and the advertising industry, drives a lot of career behavior. Parents who indulge their children are perhaps unintentionally sending the message that material goods are what matters in life. Children watch their parents’ behavior and may conclude that all this career striving is because things are of great importance.

It takes much courage to make buying decisions (or, more importantly, non-buying decisions) independent of the pressures from family and the culture. Many ambitious careerists justify their long hours away from home by purchasing "things for the kids." People may justify their relentless career ambition by saying to themselves: "Well, we can always use more money." Really? Isn’t there such a thing as "enough money"? If money is the paramount goal, then what becomes of love, compassion, kindness, service, and community? In our numbers-oriented culture, they are harder to measure.

This is not a rant against money. I am simply asking our clients to ask themselves: "What purposes do my career striving serve? What do I hope will happen as a result of my career accomplishments?" To the extent that their career ambition is ego-driven, people can become locked into their desire to display money, status, and power to others. When those are the goals, there is never enough. But, how much food can a family eat?

Howard Figler, Ph.D., is the author of The Complete Job Search Handbook and The Career Counsleor's Handbook. He can be reached at: hefigler@pacbell.net