WHO ARE YOU REALLY? (July/August 2002 Issue)

What is your authentic self? This is a good question to ask yourself and ask your clients. Popeye said: "I yam who I yam," but that’s not quite enough. People define themselves as spouse, parent, insurance agent, softball champion, avid scuba diver, owner of a Porsche, grandmother, and many other "identities" that really beg the question: "Who are you?" Surface identities are just that, ways that others have of labeling you. But they do not run deep. Who you are is more about the aspects of yourself that few others, and maybe nobody, fully knows or appreciates.

What’s going on inside you that transcends mere labels? Beliefs you have about the best ways to live. Sure, others are entitled to their ways, but so are you. Do you feel very connected to the natural world? That’s part of your core.

Is expressive movement a big thing to you? That’s in the center circle of your authentic self. Do you like to be around people who are genuinely funny and stimulate laughter in others? That’s a part of your authenticity. Are you turned on by mechanical things, the more complicated the better?

Sometimes these parts of your inner self can be called "skills," but it goes deeper than that. It may be a fascination with a subject, a natural inclination to want to know about something, regardless of whether you ever get paid doing it.

Your authentic self may show up in your paid employment, or it may not. But it is vital that you honor those inner aspects of yourself in some way, regardless of where they stand in your career. Ignoring the real you will leave you feeling depleted, regretful, and cheated of the life you meant to live.

Your authentic self consists of your core values. Not just surface-meaning items on a values checklist. Each of your core values is unique to you--defined by you. Ask yourself: "What do I value so much that I want to do it, talk about it, learn about it, and do it some more? You must find ways to have these things in your life. They are internally defined--born and nurtured within you.

The opposite of a core value is one that is externally defined, a title, label, or identity that others assign to you. Sometimes we work very hard to get these acknowledgments. We love approval. But externally defined recognition is just the opposite of core values. Internally, you decide and pursue and you define when the value is being satisfied.

External and internal values can be in conflict. You may love the recognition of being a manager but the headaches that go with it do not nourish your soul. You have a decision to make.

You may love the money and status of being a city official, but too many administrative policies rub you the wrong way. You have to weigh the outer versus the inner satisfactions.

When we do not live authentically, we know there is something missing--something big. America gives us the freedom to make a lot of choices. The inner satisfactions are the more lasting ones. Others may not notice you pursuing your core values, but that is beside the point. Be who you are, and you will know it.