THINKING YOUR CONFUSION OUT LOUD
(November/December 2005 Issue)

Who listens to you? Who lets you think your confusion out loud? It’s a critical function. Three people do that for me: my wife, Linda; Dr. Larry Allums; and Peter Drucker. They are of incalculable value to me, each for an entirely different dimension of my personality.

Linda is there all the time. She knows first hand, and in real time, all my habits and inclinations. She’s the one who knows best my bad habits and blind spots. She "speaks the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Linda is sophisticated and yet remarkably "innocent." It’s innocence without naiveté. Linda embodies grace. Life
is simpler for her. My relationships are kaleidoscopic. Hers are stable. We come together on values. And we plan to stay together for the duration.

Larry Allums is the Director of The Dallas Institute for Humanities and Culture. For the past five years, he has assigned me works of literature or history, one each two weeks. Then we talk about it for two hours in my office. Aristotle said plays are valuable because they are an emotional catharsis for the spectator. For me, a novel, a poem, or a motion picture is a free ride on someone else’s emotions. And they take me to worlds I would never have a chance to experience. Emotional development is a different dimension than intellectual, physical, or spiritual development.

Peter Drucker is yet another dimension. Since I transcribe most of our conversations, I can offer you Peter’s own words. For example, in a conversation last year, we talked about what I might do for others. In reading Peter’s words, I found that they describe what he does for me. This is verbatim:

"You can’t invent community leaders, but you may be able to identify them, equip them, and give them what they need today very badly — somebody to hold their hands. I am busier than I have ever been as a consultant, but primarily, the people who come to me do so because nobody else listens to them. Not that I can help them, but I’m willing to listen, and I’m able to say, ‘Look Joe, this is a molehill. Don’t make a mountain out of it.’ Or, ‘Listen Joe, you are creating a democracy; you are not creating leadership.’ My function is not to tell them. My function is to get them to hear themselves talk and to listen to themselves. They need it very badly, because these people are very lonely. The second need is to give them a community … and the third need is to give them a backbone."

Peter gives me backbone. He is such a huge authority figure in my life. When he says "You could do that," his words give me the confidence to act on whatever Quixotic dream I have laid out before him. Confidence is critical.

In Aspen this summer, Linda and I heard Bob Schieffer, the interim replacement for Dan Rather on the CBS Evening News. From his point of view, he said, "The great American strength is that we have always been willing to go to the other side of the mountain to see what’s on the other side of the mountain — without knowing what’s on the other side of the mountain." Peter gives me the courage and the "backbone" to go to the other side of the mountain. And, equally important, he is willing to tell me when an idea is unlikely to work; when, as my friend Don Williams says, "The view is not worth the climb."

Last year, Inc. Magazine did a feature story about mentoring. The writer called to ask, "What does Peter Drucker do for you as a mentor?" I asked for time to reflect. If you want to see my answer, go to my Web site, ACTIVEenergy.net and click on "What Peter Drucker Does for Me as a Mentor." It’s wonderful!

Who allows you to think your confusion out loud? How do you achieve emotional catharsis? Or do you keep your emotions dammed up inside? Why is it so darned difficult for men to open up? Do you have a mentor? Do you need one? Who embodies grace in your life? Approval, favor, mercy, pardon, unconditional love.

About Bob Buford
Bob Buford is chairman of the board of The Buford Foundation and Leadership Network, was the co-founder and first chairman of the Peter F. Drucker Foundation for Nonprofit Management, and has authored four books, including Halftime and most recently Finishing Well. Visit www.ACTIVEenergy.net to register for Bob's ACITVEenergy weekly e-newsletter which is full of Bob Buford’s musing, interviews with world-changers, and resources that will enhance your life and work. Contact him as follows:
Bob Buford, 2501 Cedar Springs Road, Dallas, Texas 75201 USA.
214-754-9733; e-mail: bjengle@leadnet.org

After selling Buford Television, Inc., a large network of cable systems across the country, in July 1999, Bob Buford has turned to investing the remaining years of his life in the lives of others. He is chairman of the board of The Buford Foundation and Leadership Network, was the co-founder and first chairman of the Peter F. Drucker Foundation for Nonprofit Management, and has authored three books, including Halftime and most recently Finishing Well, which can be found at bookstores everywhere. Bob and his wife, Linda, make their home in Dallas, Texas.